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GARAGERAT
Guitar God


Joined: 14 May 2006
Posts: 84
Location: ALLEN PARK, MICHIGAN, USA

PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 9:53 pm    Post subject: B.S. Don't bother to read Reply with quote

I'm just pissed at the world today I guess. It's one of those days when I say to myself,"It wasn't supposed to turn out this way". I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I keep up a good front for my daughter cause dad's got to be strong but somedays it's just not that easy. This is one of those days. I'm divorced 3 1/2 years now. Didn't really want to be but when a court order full of lies made me leave my own house and the wife moved her boyfriend in the same day there really wasn't any other course of action. I have my daughter most of the time, which is the way I wanted it. Since I cut the cord in the hospital (she's 9 now) she and I have been thick as thieves (she has a pink strat, but ever since I got that Greco se-500......!). Her mother might have carried her for nine months but she's my baby. Always has been, always will be. But she's not here tonite and when that happens, I realize just how alone I am. If I even talk to any females she starts to worry I'm not gonna care about her anymore. Like her mom did. She does well in school and the teachers always say she's not like the other kids from divorced families. They teachers tell me you can usually tell right off the bat who has two parents at home. What I'm doing must be working. So for now I stay single and take care of her because it's her time to be the best she can be. It's her turn. As her father its my job to see she can go as far as possible. I had my shot and screwed my life up for a 10yr stretch, before I married her mother, with booze and pills. I got clean and came through it with my body and brain intact, thank god. I have had the same good job since 1989. So really I guess I'm doin' ok. It's just lonely in this house when, on the rare occasion, her mom takes her. I got the house, cars, furniture and the daughter but that cost me about 25K. Don't get me wrong, I'd have spent much more and I did pretty good anyway. I just think it's bullshit that my daughter doesn't lay her head down in the same house as I do everynite. I think it's her mother that should be penalized, not me. I didn't really want out, but infidelity is a no strikes offense in my book. You're just out. Peroid. There's just no coming back from that, for me anyway. I've thought about me and the kid being so close being what made her stray. She never tried to talk about it and has never said so to this day so I'm just guessing. I don't know. I'm just rambling so I'm gonna go play something.

J.M.H.
she didn't say nothin bout leavin'
thats alright I still got my gitar
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Deadman
Guitar God


Joined: 04 Mar 2006
Posts: 568
Location: England

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 3:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Get out with friends, get drunk, have a good time and get laid.
You can still be a good dad.
I do both (apart from the getting laid part!)

Chin up. Life's too short!

(and all the best, you sound like a really good and committed father)
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sneakyjapan
Guitar God


Joined: 12 May 2003
Posts: 1871

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 6:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to teach a woman doctor here who divorced when her kids were rather young. She eventually met a guy she fell in love with and they wanted to marry, but when she proposed it to her children they said no...they were pre teens at the time, so they didn`t marry...and the kicker is...she found the guy another woman who he eventually did marry. Her kids have felt bad for years and now realize they prevented their mom from finding the happiness she deserved...she never remarried.
Not really sure what my point is here but you reminded me of her story...I guess maybe if you do meet someone talking to your daughter and making certain she understands she will always be daddy`s little girl and any other woman who enters both your lives should not be seen as competition...I would just hate to see another person with the same story as my former students. Sometimes kids are smarter than we give em credit for, especially these days...they are so sophisticated.
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ned
Guitar God


Joined: 29 Aug 2001
Posts: 1154
Location: Austin, TX

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 7:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dude, grab your guitar and jam or write a song. Use this as motivation.
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declan
Guitar God


Joined: 19 Jun 2006
Posts: 87
Location: Ireland

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 9:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Garagerat,

wouldnt it be worse if you didnt think or care about it at all... the downs are what make us human and they make the ups more worthwhile.

Your little girl is lucky she has a dad who gives a s**t, ...and like it or not its probably good that she has some type of relationship with her mother, kids know whats going on...

A friend of mine who drives a taxi was leaving and collecting a 11 year old kid from a childrens home to see his parents for a few hours last saturday. when she was collecting the kid from his parents (and I use that term loosley) he started crying in the taxi. As it turned out the kid went into the house and found his dad smashed out of his head with a needle stuck in his arm while his mother was sleeping off a hang over....

Youre not alone man, one day your daughter will fly the nest, until then consider these short breaks as a reason to crank that amp up.
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togps
Guitar God


Joined: 21 Dec 2004
Posts: 2043
Location: Bavaria, Germany

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 1:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

declan,
pm sent.
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marcusnieman
Guitar God


Joined: 22 May 2003
Posts: 8764
Location: Dallas, Texas

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 3:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chin up brother
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bunbury
Guitar God


Joined: 03 Apr 2006
Posts: 257
Location: london

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've got a 9-yr old daughter too. That makes us the lucky ones. She's off to her grand-parents for a few days from today and the house will seem oddly quiet and not at all relaxing (just when you think it should be).

Maybe you can fill those short breaks with something that distracts and indulges you? Daddys need quality time too.
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GARAGERAT
Guitar God


Joined: 14 May 2006
Posts: 84
Location: ALLEN PARK, MICHIGAN, USA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 12:25 pm    Post subject: thanks and an update Reply with quote

Thanks for all the kind words guys. It was just one of those weeks when it seems like everything is completely out of wack with no end in sight. Reading all the positive posts was a huge help. I started to think about everything in my life and really, there are people in this world who are much less fortunate than myself. I decided I have to focus on the positive. In doing that I went to work yesterday and was so uplifted that I worked like a demon in the 96 degree temperature (109 degrees inside the building I work in) that I gave myself heat stroke,lol. I was sick all day yesterday and today I still don't feel 100%. But everything happens for a reason I guess. This woman I work with and know quite well (Karen) stopped by after work to make sure I was ok. We live close by and sometimes we ride in together when the others car is down etc. She stayed for a while and watched me barf my brains out. She was a big help. She took care of me like my mom would have,lol. Once I got my act together enough to carry on some conversation she asked me why I had never asked her out. I was floored! She's very pretty. I said I had thought about it many times but explained my issues with my daughter to her. She said she's in pretty much the same boat with her son. She's not sure she wants to be married ever again (same here) but wants "one" someone in her life if it could work around her schedule with her son. She doesn't really want to involve him in any relationship she has. I said thats what I was looking for as well. Anyway, I'm taking her out for her birthday next Wednesday! She is a contract employee and will be moving to a different building in 3 weeks, but really thats good if this works out because I know the rule, don't s#!t where you eat. So anyway things are looking up a bit. Thanks again guys.
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jawilluk
Guitar God


Joined: 28 Mar 2006
Posts: 433
Location: London

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 12:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice one, GARAGERAT.

The best of luck to you.
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tudor
Guitar God


Joined: 05 Mar 2006
Posts: 1542
Location: AC - Germany

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 1:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi,

your last post gives a more optimistic outlook for the future ... sounds good ... hope it will work out for you in a way all involved persons can accept - and are happy!!!

In the early '80s I made the same experience like you did ...

My son was a premature infant and I also cut the cord in the hospital - after that he must stay in the intensive care unit for 3 months ...

I wasn't married to his mother at that time and when I wanted to visit him the next day the staff nurse refused me because he had a different name to mine ...
The tears were running down my face because I couldn't understand that I cut the cord the day before and wasn't allowed to visit my son the day after ...
One of the nurses had pity on me and told me to go on the balcony, she would take the incubator behind the window - and so I stood in the cold (-17 degrees Celsius), frozen stiff , crying bitter tears of disappointment ( because it was so degrading) - and I swore my little boy to do everything to be a good father as long as I live !
Well, married his mother although I knew it was wrong, had a bad time together, got a divorce - my son stayed with his mother - and I was suffering like a dog, because I felt so alone without my boy ...

Then he grew up ( he's 25 now), went to University, got his graduates - and ... he comes and goes now as he likes, knows where his dad is when he needs some money ( ) ... nothing more, nothing less ...

Long rant - what I want to tell you is ... Very often the fathers think they have to care for the children in an extraordinarily way, because they feel guilty or something else ... DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE - to forget yourself !!! You have also the right of a life with love, affection, happyness with a partner OF YOUR CHOICE !!!

It maybe sound brute, but - the children won't say "Thank you" for ALL you've done for them - they don't see if you pass on something (especially if you pass on a loving woman - and only a loving woman is able to give you back the self-confidence that you are worth to be loved !! - not a child !!!) ... it's the fate of all parents that children are very selfish - unfortunately!

Good luck for you, my friend - and think a little bit more selfish for yourself!

Roger

PS. I was a good father though!
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Deadman
Guitar God


Joined: 04 Mar 2006
Posts: 568
Location: England

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Karen sounds nice! You wanna bang her brains out! LOL.
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GARAGERAT
Guitar God


Joined: 14 May 2006
Posts: 84
Location: ALLEN PARK, MICHIGAN, USA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 6:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deadman wrote:
Karen sounds nice! You wanna bang her brains out! LOL.


LOL, Deadman. Hopefully thats in the cards somewhere down the line. Really I'd still be happy to just have someone to have dinner and watch a movie with once in a while. We'll see......
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"Fetish properties are not unlike porn. I'd feel guilty takin' their money if I wasn't, well.... kinda' one of em". Rob Gordon.
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declan
Guitar God


Joined: 19 Jun 2006
Posts: 87
Location: Ireland

PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 2:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good Luck to you garagerat

looks like you didnt have to wait too long for one of the UP's, hope it works out for you

declan
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10th gear
Guitar God


Joined: 30 Apr 2006
Posts: 68
Location: Wichita, KS.

PostPosted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 1:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[/i]Hi All...
It's really great to hear all the support for Garagerat. Even as the Big, Bad, Burley, and Tough stage hound, guitar pickers we are. We have feelings. These feelings are definatley not to be construed as a feminine, or softer side...lol. But true, heart felt feelings for our Children, and our Mates.

Love...

I commend you garagerat, for having the heart, & the Manhood, to express youself here int this forum... Because when it seems, as if there is nowhere to turn and let it out. You can always turn a a group of freinds, and find the support and inspiration, that will turn the situation around to a positive outlook.

Keep on Rockin On Brother, and good luck with the new acquantance!!!
Especially with your daughter, she sounds like a Princess...

Bradley > 10th Gear
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